What about my rights?

We hear a lot, these days, about rights. The right to expect everyone else to respect your ludicrous decision to 'identify' as a non-binary gender fluid vegan, for instance.

But there are some rights which trump all others. Like the democratic right to expect a government elected just two and a half years ago to be allowed to get on with the job of governing. Like the right of the 13.9 million people who voted for that government to see that vote respected.

Labour got 10.3 million votes. They lost. The Liberal Democrats scraped 3.7 million votes. They didn't just lose, but became politically irrelevant overnight. The Scottish Nationalists a mere 1.2 million - even less impressive when you consider their supporters are mostly mad, ginger, or both. As for the Greens, the 864,000 votes they secured won them one seat - Caroline Lucas, the MP whose local council in Brighton almost imploded when the twin demands of an historic tree and the route of a new cycle path collided.

And so those who voted Conservative - and were in the majority - won. Of course it is the job of Labour, as the Opposition, to criticise, suggest alternative policies, and generally stir up trouble. But it is not their job, nor is it the job of the BBC, nor the ever corpulent Ian Blackford ("Laird of the Pies") to remove the government of the day. No. That's our job - and we will get the chance to decide if we wish the Conservatives to continue or not in 2024.

What is it about all of these losers (as Donald Trump would accurately call them - because they lost) that they are fundamentally unable to accept the result of any vote which does not go their way? It was the same with Brexit. Instead of shaking off the melancholy and saying "right, that's done for another few years - let's get on with making the country better", they seem to sink deeper and deeper into a collective sulk; a petulance and vitriol the like of which British politics has never seen before.

There is a very clear distinction between a criminal conviction, and simply receiving a fixed penalty notice. The option to pay a fine is precisely to avoid going to court and being tried for an offence. Of course one can, if one wants, decline to pay a fine and go through the court process - but a 'guilty' verdict at that stage most definitely is a criminal conviction.

This is why most of us would - quite properly - decline to think of ourselves as convicted criminals just for getting a parking ticket. And why Broadmoor is not filled to bursting point with recipients of SP30s. The whole point of fixed penalty notices is that they can be dispensed with simply by paying them - no jail time involved.

And that really matters. The Parliamentary standard has been, historically, and continues to be that no MP can continue in office if he or she has received a term of detention or imprisonment exceeding one year. If we are to change that standard, there are several quite loathsome Labour MPs and at least one Lib Dem who will have to go tomorrow.

The only reason for the 'pile on' scrummage surrounding Boris Johnson today is that the losers scent blood. If they can topple Boris Johnson, they can finish off Conservatism for a generation. Why? Because Boris is popular. The country loves him. Normal people simply don't understand the fuss about 'partygate', are inclined to believe that such a minor transgression really isn't worth all the airtime the now-obsessive BBC is devoting to it, and that there really are more important things to think about.

Today was the first day back in Parliament for MPs after the Easter recess. After a few weeks away, there are many urgent priorities. Ukraine, the immigration problem, the cost of living crisis - these are the matters MPs could and should be focusing on. Instead, the first three days will be wasted on pointless motions brought by Labour - none of which will pass, but are designed merely to keep this particular dead horse in receipt of flogging for a while longer.

Even that lizard-necked parody of his own Spitting Image puppet, Justin Welby, has got involved. Sending economic migrants for processing in Rwanda is, apparently, "ungodly". Try telling that to Moses (born in Egypt to Hebrew parents) who fled to Midian, then led the Israelites across the Red Sea first to the wilderness, then to Canaan. It seems he didn't have a problem with processing refugees in a third country, so why does the Church of England's Chief Emaciated-Giraffe-In-A-Dog-Collar think the present proposal is "ungodly"?!

It just won't do. 'Loser' really is the right word - in every sense. You lost. Get over it. And let the government govern. All this Westminster wankery is having a serious effect on the ability of our democratically elected government to govern. And that's bad for all of us, except those on salaries of £90,000 a year as MPs, who appear to have forgotten it.

So today, I say, "what about my rights?" I voted for the Conservatives, and we won. Why won't you respect my right to have the government I and 14 million other people voted for?

Felacia